David Davis

Now look.

(1) Find your priates by looking in the oceans where they hang about hurting people, using your superior radar and your airborne reconnaissance.

(2) Notify the UN of your intention to colse down, not only the Pirates’ country of origin, but all other countries whose UN representatives do not immediately abase themselves before your Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs in London, promising to use their own entire resources to help the RN dismember the buggers.

(3) Arrest on the high Seas and slow/stop, by gunfire, the pirate vessels.

(4) Machine-gun all pirates who jump into the water, on either side of their boat. Don’t bother to check, God will know His Own, and your action will discourage other would-be-teenage-pirates.

(5) Arrest all surviving pirates.

(6) Attach 56-lb weights to the bound feet of said living pirates, fully-conscious if possible and not having accidentally fallen against too many hard objects in the ship while being questioned, and shuffle them in a line over the gunwale, while at sea.

(7) Look for more pirates. Do same.

(8) Do the same thing to slave-ships, but release the slaves first. Return dead bodies of slavers publicly to originating countries, mostly bordering the Indian Ocean or the Tropical African Atlantic, while putting videos of (your) execution of said slavers on Youtube.

But first, you need a Blue-Water-Navy.

Then there will be fewer pirates, whether from Somalia or elsewhere. (Come on guys. Somalian pirates can’t be much cop, surely? I mean, it’s a nothing-place, full of socialists and western young doo-gooders, who’ll wet their pants at the first sight of a gun (never seen one probably)….)