The Ultimate Covid Conspiracy?
Sean Gabb
(29^th June 2021)

We have, for the past eighteen months, lived through a fantasy pandemic. If unpleasant, the Virus is not particularly deadly. The number of cases is a product of testing, the number of deaths a statistical fraud. We have had much worse infections in living memory. We never responded to those by locking down whole populations and making hysterical fear an object of state policy. What is happening?

The most likely answer is stupidity. The quality of the people who rule Britain and America has dropped through the floor since about 1990, and it was not that high then. Sadly, though, the rest of the world still believes Britain and America are the pinnacle of civilisation, and so, whatever madness is decided in London and Washington is copied without question almost everywhere else. Take stupidity, add short-term advantage to the usual suspects in politics and business, and we have the Coronavirus Panic.

But arguments from stupidity are boring. They are the equivalent of denying the existence of ghosts and second sight – worthy and true, but unentertaining. Much better is to begin from the assumption that the idiots in charge are not really in charge, but are only front men for the supremely intelligent and supremely effective and supremely wicked Ones-on-High. Do this, and explaining the panic becomes an argument over which conspiracy theory best fits the observed facts.

Until a few weeks ago, my favourite was that the Virus was a bioweapon that had somehow leaked from a Chinese laboratory. It was spotted by the main governments, because they were all working in secret on something similar. This would explain the initial panic. As for the piffling number of deaths, bioweapons are still at the experimental stage, and no one realised until it was too late that modified viruses lose their potency almost at once in the wild. This was my favourite conspiracy theory for over a year. I only went off it when the authorities stopped denouncing it and punishing anyone important who said it was true, and instead announced on television that it might be true. Since the hacks in the mainstream media are just bright enough not to tell the truth even by accident, it was half a minute to give up on a year of enjoyable speculation.

There are other conspiracy theories. Regrettably, most of these border on the respectable. For example, the panic is a cover for clawing back some of the manufacturing outsourced to China since the 1990s. Or it is an excuse for ending the unwise monetary policies of the past decade and inflating away the resulting national debts. These all have an appearance of the probable, and are therefore dull before the first paragraph is read. But, looming over all the others, is the merger of scepticism about vaccines and the Agenda 21 conspiracy.

For those unaware of it, Agenda 21 is boring drivel from the United Nations about not cutting down trees. Behind this, though, is an alleged conspiracy to reduce the human population from seven billion to half a billion. Doing this, apparently, will end all the fanciful scares about global warming, and leave the lucky survivors free to use all the electricity they want without feeling guilty.

The latest version of this theory is that the Virus is a fraud, but justifies injecting people with a vaccine that will make most of them fall down dead, or in some degree sterilise them. There are passionate advocates of the revised theory, all of them begging us to keep away from any of the vaccines on offer. I have so far kept away from the vaccines. But there are two problems with the theory:

First, why bother with a deadly vaccine when a deadly virus would be easier? It is hard to make vaccines compulsory, and they can be reviewed at leisure by dissenting scientists. A virus can mow down its victims even as people argue over its origin.

Second, the vaccines are being injected almost entirely into peoples who are not the cause of rising populations. Why kill off or sterilise countries like Italy and Japan and Israel, where populations are already stable or falling, and leave countries like Ghana and Bangladesh free to continue growing by ten thousand an hour?

The theory is untenable as it stands. However, it can be revised into a credible explanation of everything. Let us take these assumptions as true:

First, the English-speaking world is ruled by a semi-united secret state of great ability and great wickedness.

Second, this secret state has ruled much of the world since the final defeat of Germany in 1945, and the whole world since the end of the Cold War in 1990.

Third, this domination is threatened by population growth in the Third World and by China’s refusal to stay an obedient sweatshop. What used to be called the White Race has fallen from about half the human population in 1900 to barely a tenth today. Its share of gross planetary product has fallen since 2000 from about two thirds to about a third.

You can add concerns about global warming and so forth. But these three assumptions are enough as they stand. Here is the resulting conspiracy:

First, in 2019, the Ones-on-High released a virus they had planted on their Chinese dupes. This was not intended to be deadly, but only to justify the creation of a universal panic.

Second, a group of vaccines was produced. These are not perfectly effective against the Virus, but they do not need to be, as the Virus barely exists as a danger to health. Since then, these vaccines have been injected into almost everyone in the rich countries.

Third, before the vaccines can be injected into more than a trivial percentage of all other populations – I suggest this coming October – the Real Virus will be released. The vaccines are a sure preservative against this. Those populations not yet vaccinated will go down like ears of corn in the blades of a combine harvester. By January 2022, the Israelis will look out from their electrified border fence at a vast silence of rotting bodies, and argue over how much of the Levant they should annex. The British and French will take back their colonial empires. Enough Chinese in the coastal cities will have been vaccinated to keep the factories working. But the peasants will all be dead, and the coastal cities will depend absolutely on food imports from Australia. No more will be heard of global warming, and resources no longer needed for supporting the dead can be directed to the manned exploration of Mars. And this will be the Great Reset – taking the world back to a version of 1914, in which the Germans are no longer actual competitors, nor the Russians potential competitors.

It is a credible conspiracy theory. It has means, motive and opportunity. It explains everything. Do you want to explain the Black Lives Matter protests?

Either, the darker races are slightly telepathic, and they picked up a hint that the Ones-on-High were planning something to their disadvantage,

Or, the protests were contrived by the Ones-on-High to annoy white people and leave them indifferent to the coming genocide.

Give me ten minutes, and I will work out how Brexit and Donald Trump and the current Pope fit in. I can explain the rising price of lithium – if it is rising. I can explain the scratches on my bumper, and the building of a railway station in East Kent where almost no one lives. I can bring in or exclude the Jews according to taste. If the genocide fails to show itself by the end of October, I will move the date to November. If nothing happens by the time the whole of India is vaccinated, I will go silent for a few days, then come back with something about UFO bases at the bottom of the sea.

You may think this rather a light-hearted view of conspiracies. I suppose it is. Even so, there is something odd about this invisible pandemic. It may all be explicable in terms of stupidity. But there is a strange comfort in being ruled by the Ones-on-High. If they do want to murder us all, and feast on our souls, that may be a more meaningful abuse than being pushed about by our useless Prime Minister’s brain-dead cow of a wife.