by Daniel Jupp

I can honestly say that no matter how depressed I’ve been, it’s never occurred to me that the best way to cheer myself up is to show my arse to a teenage boy on a webcam and scour dating apps for boys around 17 to wank with.

But that’s just me.

I thought depression was more about not getting out of your own bed, rather then trying to get in a kid’s bed.

But that’s just me.

I thought it was actually illegal to obtain naked pictures of people under the age of 18.

But that’s just me.

I thought depression was the sort of thing that comes when someone you love dies, or when the vast pitiless immensity of the universe bears down on your fragile and struggling soul with all the weight of the oceans of night and you realise that you are utterly and completely alone.….and not really about paying someone £35,000 so that they will wank with you.

But that’s just me.

I thought society was much better when people who had been exposed as sleazy perverts betraying their wife and five children had the good grace to be ashamed of themselves rather than feeling sorry for themselves and claiming to be the victims and deserving of compassion because after all who hasn’t paid teenage boys £35,000 to wank with them?

But that’s just me.

I can’t help objecting to it financially as well as morally. My wife is furious when I spend £50 on books. If you’re going to do that sort of thing, at least negotiate a reasonable market price. That’s just common sense.